Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Watching the ships roll by, and thinking through seaweed...

This week in development Baby P has decided to give Becks a run for his money...on my bladder. Sorry if that's too much detail but since I have to deal with it I thought I would share the love with you too =)

Can you even deal with the cuteness of this mug? (Or how incredible technology has become?)

We have been cooking up a storm in the new place and I would love to share photos if G and I weren't too busy trying to dig through 7 years of things to find our camera. I will try and be better but can't really make promises since right now my whole world seems upside down.

Today's post will be a first for it will be a post from the heart. I am much better at satire and recipes, if not more comfortable. But in honor of truly documenting this miraculous (and crazy) journey, I have to let my emotions out somewhere and this seems about as good a place as any.

When I was little one of my favorite quotes was "there are big ships and little ships but the best ship is friendship." And then I grew up. Or rather life happened. I've been watching ships sail by for years now. People seem to have a way of disappointing you if you expect too much I suppose.

But now I find myself in this precarious spot in my life. A crossroads where, yet again, we are the first couple to take the next step in this case to have a child. And I feel so alone. There is no one there who has taken this journey, no one who can tell me what to pack for this trip or share in this rollercoaster of emotions. Sure, there is enough information online to fill the Red Sea but where are those anecdotes that we aren't supposed to listen to but really come in handy when you are embarking on such scary and exciting adventures? Yes, we are taking a 'birth class' with a bunch of lovely tree hugging, anti-drug, amazingly strong and incredible people. But none of them are "friends".

And that leads me to my first issue. The one of the ships sailing by.... Lots of ships. It happened when we were the first to get married. The supposed life long friends who fell off the earth when they had to share me with a husband and listen to more important issues than which pointy toe heels matched my seven jeans (And yes, I did wear jeans back in the day). It makes me sad that as the years go by the supposed friends I've chosen turn out to be more consumed by themselves then anything else. Maybe it's me who has changed and they've been the same all along...

So there you go. The hormones are raging and I find myself sad and scared and feeling all the while a bit alienated in our cute new home, so very far from transportation and friends and almost too large to wobble down the street with Lola.

But don't let me mislead you, whoever you are! The sight of the little face in that ultrasound makes it all worth while. Spoiled? Please. This little boy doesn't have a chance!

And now for the seaweed portion of this post. If I haven't lost you thus far let me complain about my charmed life, and some more fun side effects of pregnancy, a bit more. It seems as if my once sharp mind has crumbled into oblivion. Oh sure, when it comes to researching the safest car seat, pram, and 5 point harness carrier I'm your gal. But writing a simple 30 page review on a topic of my choosing which was once a delicious and exciting adventure? Forget it. Seaweed. Pregnancy is like thinking through seaweed. And my mind is laden with the stuff. Swimming through the stuff in my mind is truly defeating. And fear of disappointing myself and my respected advisor (yes, I really like the guy) is the cherry on the sprinkles on the icing on the cake. Mmmmm, cake.

I told you it was distracting!

The evolutionary advantage of such distractions is that I'm sure to get everything done for Baby P before he arrives. Now if I could only guarantee that he'll help me write once he gets here...


ChefSara said...

if you need an ear (or a shoulder) just let me know. i'm going through this crazy adventure called pregnancy too...and it's something you can't possibly comprehend without going through it.

Thimbleanna said...

Ahhh, there you stand on the precipice of motherhood! You'll be surprised as the seaweed thickens -- at least for the next little while until you adjust to your new role. It's a good thickening though. As for your ships, ships sail in and out of your life, your whole life. New ships are just at the opening of your harbor and will be joining you soon -- another surprise. And OhMyGosh -- is that ever a fantastic ultrasound. And so mind boggling the technology -- you're so lucky to be having a baby now. I never even had an ultrasound because they only did them if there was a suspected problem back then. And if they had done one, the baby would have just looked like a blob. We would have had to nod our heads and pretend to "see" what the Dr. saw in that picture -- knowing full well that it still looked like a blob!

amandajean said...

that ultra sound pic is so fantastic! I've never seen one so clear. you must be oh-so-excited!

and I'm here for you, my friend. (I just wish we were neighbors in real life!) it's not an easy time, and one in which you need good friends. (I have a side story or two to tell you about this someday.) and like thimbleanna said, the seaweed thickens! sorry, that isn't good news...but it's the truth, so brace yourself. It hasn't gotten better in 7 years...I'm still waiting. :)

Cassie said...

That little boy is adorable! And I can totally relate to how you're feeling. We were the first couple in our circle of friends to have a baby, too. It really did change some of our friendships; they're not worse, necessarily, just different. Trust me, though: Like you said, it's totally worth it.